I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
