just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
