I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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