I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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