i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
