i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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