who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
