sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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