At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
