Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
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And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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