and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
