looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
