All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
there was a trapeze. enough said
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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