He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
