I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
