I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
