I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
