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He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
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