her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
