I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back