I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
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I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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