i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
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Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue