One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE