dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
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Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.