How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.