he thought i was a dude.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
