I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
