theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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