Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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