Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
