I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
