Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And then my night got REAL pukey
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
