I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
