there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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