my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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