mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
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Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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