Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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