i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize