your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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