Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
