Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
