If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
