I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize