he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
