Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
