return my video game
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.