they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?