Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
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the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
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Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house