Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
