I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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