pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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