My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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