If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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