I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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