In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
