I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
