Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
