I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
