I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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