This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
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gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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