just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
