oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
what day is it and did you see me today?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
