i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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