dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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