i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize