Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
