rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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