I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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