she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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